Lifeless faces had loomed over me,
and death knocked with its ear
pressed against the door.
Love was on the other side
of the edge of all that I understood
as I stood there on the concrete ledge,
gaze cast below the surface
as the ripples sparkled
off the autumn afternoon rays
as clouds broke before the day’s end.
As if to give up,
I held up my hands as a breeze
caressed my fingers.
My silence screamed
to heaven for God to catch
me before I fell into the jaws
of desperation, lying to waste,
the lives that it’ll destroy.
The current stung my chapped, damp eyes.
The end of everything was at hand.
You had no part in getting me this far.
Neither did you.
Or any of you.
It is all of you
collectively.
I hear Mom and Dad going back
and forth over a mortgage
that they couldn’t afford.
I heard Mom tell Dad she sold
her blood for food.
It’s me.
I shoulder the blame.
I always did.
I thought we all did.
I bowed over folded prayer hands,
hoping this time things would get better.
We’d moved five times
in four years.
I was tired of running
and exacerbated by the speeches
that things only get better from here.
I had nothing left to give,
but you embraced me with love
so that’s why I stayed.