Woke up drowning in red,
Blood everywhere—my legs, my bed, my feet.
Day 4, and I wonder how much more I can bleed before I disappear.
The pain tears through me like shattered glass,
Sharp, relentless, as if my body wants to break itself apart,
Piece by piece.
The cramps come like a fist,
Clenching my insides, twisting until I scream silently,
Until I can’t remember what it feels like not to hurt.
This pain is a shadow, stalking me,
The only thing that stays—more faithful than anything in my life.
No rest, no peace.
It drags me down, heavy as stones in my chest,
And every month, it gets harder to fight the weight.
My mind slips with it.
I’m always tired, the fatigue swallowing me whole.
Mood swings whip through me like hurricanes
One moment calm, the next, a violent storm.
It pulls me into the dark, where the pain echoes,
Where the thought of disappearing doesn’t sound so terrifying.
Suicidal thoughts creep in like whispers,
Quiet at first, until they’re the loudest thing in the room.
I can’t stand being around anyone, not even myself.
But still, I’m forced to smile,
To pretend I’m fine, to show up,
Even when everything in me screams to stop.
“It’s normal,” they say,
Like that word could contain this agony,
Like birth control is some cure-all for the breaking inside me.
But the pills come with their own chains,
Their own nightmares,
And I’m still here, bleeding,
My mind unraveling along with my body.
Men don’t know this war.
They don’t feel their bodies betray them month after month.
If they did, the world would bend for them.
They’d have days to rest, time to recover,
Their moods excused, their rage justified.
They wouldn’t have to hide.
Sanitary products would be free,
Abortions wouldn’t be a question,
Pain wouldn’t be a quiet thing we’re forced to carry alone.
But we are the ones who bleed.
We are the ones torn apart and told to smile.
To move through life as if we’re not crumbling inside,
To keep breathing when the darkness pulls us under.
A world ruled by men doesn’t care for our pain,
Doesn’t care for our minds unraveling,
Doesn’t see the way we fight to stay alive in bodies that want to break us.